in eleven days it will have been six full months since my closest friend died. i thought this was supposed to get easier, not harder.
i try to think logically… time is a healer… it will get easier and it will stop knocking the wind out of me, yadda yadda. logic doesn’t do anything or mean anything when you sorely miss someone and there is literally nothing you can do about it. i will never see or speak to her again, time will just be standing still but every day life continues.
i am not a weak person or someone who will speak or write easily without putting thought into it so this is quite difficult to write down but i don’t want there to be no trace of what is happening. it is difficult to explain, i think i struggle with the inevitable fact that this is never going to go away, not that i want it to.
i think about her every day without a doubt and most days i feel sad when
i think about her but i try to focus on making my life better and trying to make myself happy as she would like that but there are times when i can’t push myself that far and i just feel like i am falling apart and how can this be real.
i don’t show this though as i wouldn’t expect anyone to understand. i only have my dad and my brother as family so the few close friends i have/had are really a big part of my life.
tomorrow is a new day and everything will just continue on and on and on and there is nothing i can do about it.